Inadequate & Disappointed
Do you ever have those days where you feel like everything that could go wrong does go wrong? And those days where you feel horribly and completely inadequate? Yep, that's me today. Not sure if it's because I messed up during a speaking engagement yesterday or if it's because I accidentally dropped a glass jar at the grocery store or if it's because everything that comes out of my mouth seems to either be offensive or stupid. But for some weird reason, I feel off. I feel more inadequate than usual.
I was reminded during my "sour mood" today of the story of Joseph in the Bible and specifically the part of his life when he was thrown into prison in Egypt by Potiphar, who believed that Joseph had defiled his wife, but God was with Joseph in prison and honored him for his innocence. Joseph probably felt dejected and inadequate. But, he wasn't alone in his inadequacy. He was joined by two others in prison--the king's cup bearer and baker. Both of these men had dreams while in prison and became extremely concerned that they could not interpret the dreams that were so vividly etched in their minds. They both turned to Joseph for help in their confusion and Joseph helped interpret their dreams, which foreshadowed the rest of their lives. But even after Joseph showed his God-given gifts of dream interpretation and that he was adequate to do a special job, the cup bearer and baker still forgot him when they left prison and Joseph was still left in prison wondering what was going to happen to his life. (Genesis 40)
There are several questions that I get from this story that I want to chew on today:
1. Who do I resemble more in my feelings of inadequacy--the cup bearer and baker or Joseph?
2. When I do feel adequate and equipped to do a good job but don't get recognized or hired, how do I handle my disappointments?
3. How do I make the most of my moments of inadequacy and disappointments?
These are hard questions to answer, especially when you're a person like me who struggles with waves of conflicting emotions at times. The one thing I have learned as I've grown older and gone through more difficult moments is that I usually first need to take a step back from the situation and try to get the most objective, healthy perspective of everything, including the parties involved. Sometimes, like Joseph, we have no control over what happens to us and who hurts us or forgets us, but there may also be times in our lives where we have a part in the pain that floods our hearts. So, how do I try my best to not make foolish decisions that will bring more pain to my life, but also how do I prepare my heart for the disappointments? How do I prepare more for life's tough moments so that I don't feel so inadequate or ill-prepared? For me, it may be reading my Bible more, holding my tongue and listening more, or just learning to shine a brighter light on the talents of others than on myself.
Life is never a smooth path with clear warning signs that tell us when a friend will forget us, when we will lose a job or when a glass jar will smash on the floor. But, we must pray and ask God to prepare us as much as possible to face those hard days when we will feel inadequate and disappointed to know that we have a loving God who wants the best for us and will even use the humbling moments of life to grow us more into a person filled with His love.
