Joy in the Waiting
I felt jealousy and envy ooze into my heart as I sat entranced by the little screen in my hand. Though I loathe the feelings of darkness that develop from being on Facebook too much, I also have become addicted to the high of having my brain overly-saturated with information about everyone's lives in the world. I hate it and yet, I love it at the same time.
That day in particular, I sat at my kitchen table consumed by the "successes" of others that I was seeing played out on social media while my son begged me to play with him. Finally, I got so filled with jealousy that I turned my phone off and slammed it on the table. I couldn't take it anymore! I couldn't handle seeing one more person happy and experiencing their fulfilled dreams while so many of my own dreams had still not come true. Jealousy had robbed me of joy.
Several days later, God brought to my attention the story of Anna from the Bible who encountered Joseph and Mary when they brought baby Jesus to the temple to be dedicated to the Lord: "There was also a prophet, Anna, the daughter of Penuel, of the tribe of Asher. She was very old; she lived with her husband seven years after her marriage, and then was a widow until she was eighty-four. She never left the temple but worshiped night and day, fasting and praying. Coming up to them (Joseph, Mary & Jesus) at that very moment, she gave thanks to God and spoke about the child to all who were looking forward to the redemption of Jerusalem" (Luke 2:36-38 NIV).
Anna experienced boundless, untamed, untainted joy that day when she looked upon the face of the child who would become the Savior of the world and bring eternal redemption to her people and to the human race. In that moment, she didn't recount all her losses or complain about the many decades that she had been waiting to see her Messiah. She didn't grumble about the parties she missed while praying in the temple, the house she could have bought if she had gotten a high-paying job, or even the children she never bore when she became a widow early in her marriage. No, she sang praises to God and counted it all joy knowing that every waiting hour was worth it in the end, to see the face of God.
I was totally convicted after reading this story about Anna. God reminded me that His timeline and purpose for my life is not the same as anyone else's, and He doesn't have to answer all my prayers in the way I think it should happen or even keep me comfortable in the midst of the waiting. His purpose for my life is not to make me fat and lazy; His greatest desire is to make me a fine-tuned messenger of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. Everything else is secondary.
We don't know much about Anna, but I imagine that she had probably gone to the temple more and more after her husband passed away because she realized that nothing else was going to fill the emptiness in her heart and life. Instead of becoming addicted to the envy, jealousy or bitterness that could have consumed her, she became addicted to the presence and peace of God. She found joy in the midst of her pain and in the waiting.
After all this intense conviction, I finally asked God to forgive me for being so impatient about the prayers that I had prayed countless times and had still not been answered in the way I wanted. I had to ask Him to forgive me for being jealous of others' successes or accomplishments. I had to get real with God and humbly accept the fact that I would still love Him and serve Him, even if my prayers were never answered, even if my dreams never came true. I had to see the beauty around me, the blessings and countless good things God had already put into my life, and truly find joy in the waiting.
If you're struggling to find joy in the waiting, I encourage you to write down a list today (even if it's on your smart phone) of all the things you are grateful for in your life. You'll be amazed how it will change your outlook and your attitude.
I also encourage you to listen to this beautiful song by Kari Job called "You are for me" and hear the joy that God sings over you today as His beautiful creation that He wants to talk to.
