Why God?
"No, no, no...please God, don't let it be," was the only phrase I could muster as I stood shocked in my kitchen at 6AM on Thursday, Nov.8 after getting a text from my friend that my coworker was missing. Half an hour earlier, my husband got a news alert on his phone that there had been a mass shooting at a country line-dancing club in our area the night before. Twelve people had been killed, but we still didn't know the names of the victims. I frantically began texting every young adult from my church who I knew may have possibly been at that club. Unfortunately, later that morning I learned that my friend and coworker had been killed in the shooting. I had just talked with her the day before at work about her cute cowgirl boots and country line-dancing. My mind kept swimming with questions and shock as I cried and tried to understand the terrible evil that could cause someone to want to kill innocent lives.
Little did I know that more losses would await us and our community in the hours and weeks to come. That evening of Nov.8, two large fires began raging in our community of Thousand Oaks, California and three families came to stay with us in our home who all had to be evacuated for days. None of their homes were burned, but hundreds of families lost their homes in the fires and came to my office at church the following week sobbing not knowing how they were going to pick up the pieces of their shattered lives.
Several days later, my father-in-law was admitted to ICU as his blood pressure drastically dropped and less than one week later he passed away. After years of dialysis and struggle, his body could not longer handle the stress and strain of surgeries or dialysis. How could this happen? Why did it happen right now? I was looking forward to having all four of my son's grandparents together with him for Christmas this year.
In addition to all these tragedies, I had just lost a dear friend to leukemia the week before and several friends had children in ICU and lost their loved ones. I stood outside in the chilled wind looking at the sky and asked, "Why God? What's going on? Is the world coming to an end?"
No tears came. No heavy sobbing. Just numb---numb to the idea that life could ever be beautiful or hopeful again. I didn't get any answers to my questions and my insides felt hollow.
I went through the motions this week after my father-in-law's funeral of trying to find normalcy and joy, but even in my regular routine there was no joy. It just couldn't be found.
Then, I sat looking at my son's little manger scene that has plastic toy figures of Mary, Joseph, the wise men, shepherds and the animals all gathered around baby Jesus. I thought about the terrible tragedies and evil that must have been rampant during the time that Jesus was born. I bet many people probably looked up at the sky and asked, "Why God?" And yet, God didn't send a conquering hero to deliver them from all their cares, struggles and tragedies. Instead, He sent a Savior to show them how much better their eternity could be than their present earthly struggle. He didn't promise a better life here in this evil world, but He did promise a glorious eternal existence for anyone who believed in Him.
I don't know what struggles you're facing right now, but if you're like me, I'm sure at least a few of you have had some terrible, tragic and even devastating things happen this year. You may be asking, "Why God?" and not knowing where to find answers or hope or even joy to celebrate Christmas this year. But even if we feel numb and hollow inside, let's remember that this earthly life is not forever and if we believe in Jesus as our Savior, then one day we will see His beautiful face and He will fill our hollow hearts with a new love and wipe away our tears. We may never know the answers this side of eternity, but we can find peace in knowing that there is hope beyond this life.
This is my prayer for you and for me this Christmas and New Year: (I added the italicized words)
"To all who mourn in Israel (the world), he will give a crown of beauty for ashes, a joyous blessing instead of mourning, festive praise instead of despair. In their righteousness, they will be like great oaks that the Lord has planted for his own glory" (Isaiah 61:3 NLT).
Help us find the beauty, O God, among the ashes.
