The Strong-Willed Child: Embrace Them!
“Direct your children onto the right path, and when they are older, they will not leave it” (Proverbs 22:6 NLT).
This profound proverb has been an anchor for numerous parents, but I also know from my own parents and from my personal experience as a parent that this legendary proverb can almost seem to be wishful thinking when you’re face-to-face with a strong-willed child.
The day that my son was born was a momentous occasion that my husband and I will never forget. Not only was the experience of delivering a child quite a rush of physical pain, but also I’ll never forget the joy and fear that overtook my heart when I held that tiny baby in my arms for the first time. My husband and I were overwhelmed with the love that we now had for this beautiful child, but we were also gripped with the fear of the unknown and of child rearing. Questions raced through our minds: How will we raise him to be a healthy child and adult? How will we protect him from harm but not blind him to reality?
I would be safe to say that most parents wrestle with these thoughts and fears when they become responsible for another human being. It’s only natural and expected to have these questions about a child and the future. But as I quickly discovered with my son, who came out of the womb with his hands raised and a furrowed brow, sometimes the questions about the future have more to do with me and my reactions to my child’s behavior rather than their initial choices.
I believe every person is born with a God-given personality and nature. No child or genetic makeup is an accident. And so with this conclusion, I began to ask myself how I could best support my son’s strong-willed personality and temperament into positive behavior without breaking him. At only 15-months-old, he is a quite a force to be reckoned with. I didn’t begin to see the extent of his strong-willed personality till he began walking and talking the past few months. I just assumed that most kids had sleepless nights and picky eating habits during their first year, but when he began to throw objects, kick, scream and roll on the floor throwing tantrums on a regular basis, I knew that my son was born with the heart of a lion.
Bewildered as to how my husband and I should discipline a one-year-old, we began reading books and asking others for advice. Our own parents gave us solid wisdom and tips for preventing tantrums or not encouraging them, but I also realized that I needed to change my viewpoint of a “strong-willed child”. For so long our society has given us a negative perspective about strong-willed children, but as I began to pray for my son and his lion-hearted personality, it struck me that God made him this way for a very special reason and has entrusted my husband and I with this wondrous opportunity to embrace our son and help him rise to greatness.
I know that there will be many battles ahead between my son and our household rules and authority, but I want to do my best to help him understand that we embrace him, his strong-willed personality, and all the great things God has in store for his life. Whether it means hugging him till he calms down from a tantrum, taking away privileges or refocusing his brilliant attention on more production behavior, I want to do everything possible to encourage his tenacity and courage, not destroy it.
Even in my frustrations and fading patience, I ask God to give me the strength to speak life and wisdom into my son. May we all encourage our children to embrace the courage and tenacity that God will give them for their lives!
God spoke to Joshua after Moses died and encouraged him with these words: “No one will be able to stand against you as long as you live. For I will be with you as I was with Moses. I will not fail you or abandon you. Be STRONG and COURAGEOUS, for you are the one who will lead these people to possess all the land I swore to their ancestors I would give them. Be VERY STRONG and VERY COURAGEOUS. Be careful to obey all the instructions Moses gave you. Do not deviate from them, turning either to the right or to the left. Then you will be successful in everything you do” (Joshua 1:5-7 NLT).
